Am I an Artist?
feeling like a fraud
It can be a challenge to try new things! I used to dive headfirst into anything when I was younger, but I think as you get older, more settled in your ways, more established in your field, it becomes harder (or scarier?) to move in different directions.
I started dabbling in art during the pandemic. A dabble became an immersion. I found it completely meditative to be in the present moment, with whatever medium I was working in. And I tried them all!
As I practiced and progressed, I’d get a little buzz of excitement each time I’d let myself daydream about what it would be like to put my work out there for other people to see. My inner critic screamed, “Don’t do it!” I felt like a fraud.
Sidebar: I recently finished Zadie Smith’s The Fraud and I highly recommend it! It doesn’t relate to visual art, but contemplates what it means to be a fraud in various circumstances: writing, colonialism, pretending to be a dead person in order to inherit their wealth.
I’ve been reading How To Be An Artist by Jerry Saltz and he questions, “What if you have imposter syndrome? (Almost everyone does; it’s the price of admission to the House of Creativity.)” And after reading this, I felt a little bit better that I wasn’t the only artist questioning what right they have to make art.
You can’t put yourself out there without taking risks. So, just as I did over twelve years ago when I sent out my first short story to various literary magazines, this summer, I began sending out some of my art, just to see what might happen. I got a few rejections. They didn’t sting because I didn’t feel like a visual artist. Feeling like a fraud protected me from feeling rejected.
And then a moment of success! I got a writeup featuring several of my pieces in the magazine The Nelligan Review.
This week, my “Lemons” painting above was the cover of The Closed Eye Open that included an 8-page spread of my work.
I’m feeling more and more like a fledgling artist each day and it’s exciting.
I’m holding onto my original Lemons painting a little bit longer, however, I am selling 10 x 10 prints for $35 in my Etsy shop.
Have you started anything new recently? A hobby? A sport? A daydream? Tell me about it!
I love that lemons painting and I applaud your bold moves an artist! I have an unexplored longing to draw (yes, someday) and I’m amazed by anyone who paints, especially adult novices. Writing is a lot easier to hide/erase/revise.
I love this reflection of you being an artist. Congratulations on your 8 page spread. There is something about being free and just trying. Good on you! I just ordered Jerry Saltz's book from the library. Recently, I've watched to entire 2 seasons of Work of Art: The Next Great Artist. I really appreciated Saltz's feedback on the show.